Rooney Is Within My Grasp...

That title is to force the lazy ones to read previous blogs to find out what the hell I'm talking about. It serves no other purpose....moving along.

WHAT MAKES A GOOD BOOK?
And don't tell me 350 bits of paper and a cover. I mean what makes a good read? Does anyone know the answer, of course not! I was reading through some of the reviews for FBK1 yesterday. It's amazing, they range from 1* right across the spectrum to 5*. Some of the writers of my best reviews use worse spelling and grammar than I do. One of them actually calls it grammer, but I love them all the same. It just interests me on a sociogical front that one person can call your method (or style) of writing brilliant yet someone else feels that it's immature. The latter being an anonymous comment ... of course. Now don't get me wrong, one man's meat and all that, reviews don't bother me, they help us learn or adapt, but they aren't exactly suicide material, are they now?
Sticking to the topic for a moment. I broke one of my golden rules yesterday, I sent the butler out to by me a book. I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about this reading lark. I told him to get me a Stieg Laaaaaarrrrrssson book, it didn't matter which one, "ask the bookseller which they prefer and make sure it's in English" I told him. So he comes back with a book about the size of the bloody Bible, hardback with a picture of a woman wearing a black crash helmet on her head. Now I don't wish to speak ill of the dead (and I'm not talking about the blokes that wrote the Bible here) but I sat up until 5:00am reading that book and I only got to page 240. And you know what (If you are a fan please do not read the comments in red)   I thought it was crap.
There are about 300 different characters in it with names like Freugenhassellenwurkeburg and when this woman, Salamander goes to buy furniture for her house, my God! it's like..."she chose a desk, the one with the beech veneer and three drawers down either side which measure 20 x 30 x 80, the ones with the chrome handles that look similar to the ones you would find on a 1964 Alpha Romeo Spyder........" you get my drift. I gave up.
My point being? You probably think that I have no right to slag off a book by one of the world's most renowned and biggest selling authors, but I do. We all have the right to our opinions (and you know what they say about opinions?) For every million people that love and worship Stieg Llllllaaaaaaarrrrrson's books there will be one "me" that thought it sucked balls. For Christ's sake, I'm struggling to pay for a cactus, he could probably have bought the entire Nevada Desert by now (feel free to correct me if they don't have cactuses, sorry cacti, in Nevada, but you can see where I'm coming from.) Maybe he used to write the Ikea furniture catalogues?

FBK1 is still being downloaded by around 1,000 UK citizens per day. In offices, prisons and in long queues with nothing else to do. At 3:30pm Big Ben Time, it stands at 14,429. (since 1st September)
FBK2 is being bought by around 100 readers each day. It is #19 in the UK Thriller charts and around #45 in the Top 100.
SC remains in the Amazon Top Million.

I have decided, against my better judgement, to write a FBK Christmas Special. Now, and I know this is warped, but the thought crossed my dark mind to make a kid's horror book, so that they can discuss Mr. Madison's behaviour with mummy and daddy but then I thought of the backlash and the ultimate ban from publishing on Kindle ever again. It would be fun though, "Mummy what does it mean when someone connects your genitals to a high voltage generator? " I'm busy son, go and ask your Father."

I also contemplated writing a short story on the exhorbitant price of cacti, or maybe I could write a non-fiction / educational book, "How not to make money on Kindle."

I received an unusual email through my new email address ml.stewart@yahoo.co.uk

Dear Mr. Stewart.
I have been reading your Blog for some weeks now and I think you are an asshole.

ML Stewart replied: If that's Uncle Nigel can I have that £200 back that I lent you last Xmas.


Anyway, enough drivel for one day.
Just remember kids, it doesn't matter what you're doing, never give up! Unless it's crack cocaine of course, but Daddy will explain that to you.

MLS