I'm currently, for my sins, still in Australia, and even here the bookshops are full of the stuff. Admittedly they are selling them off cheap now. In fact the refugees have abandoned the idea of coming from Indonesia on boats now. They're building rafts from 50 Shades books and rowing across. It's saving them a fortune...allegedly.
Anyway. This hyped-up media machine has got one thing wrong. Now, I know I'll be hounded down for this, and I probably shouldn't say it, BUT, I will anyway. The big mistake they made is pictured below...
That's right. Her face, in my opinion, doesn't quite fit with the subject matter. I mean, she's a lovely looking woman and I'm sure she has a personality to match, but to be reading all this kinky sex action and have the image of the author at the back of your mind is a little ... well, a little off-putting, perhaps. Like opening a copy of Playboy and finding your mother spread across the centre pages.
Now, I am not being rude here, so calm down and put away your poison pen letters. I have oodles of respect for the dominatrix pictured above and I'm pleased for her newfound wealth. I just can't help thinking she should have gone the same route as myself, to remain a little more anonymous, maybe. Or, better still, to lie and use a double.
Now, the reason I can get away with saying this is because of my bio picture. When I published my first e-book I was warned not to scare the readers, having once been described as 'thugly', so I took heed and used a digitally altered photograph.
I see, amongst the slew of erotica now bombarding the world, there is an author called Anonymous. I like this approach. She's probably an eighteen-stone American gentleman with chronic skin disease, but we'll never know. He/she is an enigma. A Banksy. The person that stole my car in 2004 and never got caught....You get my drift? No?
Well, having just successfully slagged off the most successful author of all time, I'll move on to my little endeavours.
I've just been contacted by Israel's largest publishers, Kinneret, with an enquiry about purchasing the Hebrew tarnslation rights for the Facebook Killer series. Astonishing, I know. Strange? Perhaps a little. But I'll keep you updated. If anything happens I may even give away a few copies. Who knows? I'm sure I have followers who can read Hebrew. If not, it's quite an easy language to learn...if you plan to live until you're 310. I like the way they described my style as "Geurilla Publishing".
Apart from that, nothing! I'm just plodding away. 'Hunter' is up to 90,000 words, with around another 30,000 to go, and sales are okay, considering it's the slow season, at a steady 2,000+ per month. Nothing to bang on about really.
Well, that's it from me. I'm off to write an erotic novel now, involving a stallion and a Dutch woman in a wheelchair.
Regards, as ever,