.......We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.
The question is, was he talking about English hooligans? perhaps! No he was talking about the British spirit (wannabe authors included) and it is with these words ringing in my ears today that I have decided to load my war machine with the ultimate weapon. Yes, you've guessed it. SPAM!
Now. What is the difference between spam and begging? Well let me tell you. Absolutely nothing. Now don't get me wrong, I hate receiving spam messages... "please read my book and I'll read yours and then we can say how wonderful each others books are and people might actually believe our bullshit reviews and we can be famous together one day..." etc.
But at this point in the game. I have to do something drastic. So I have flown in my weapons technician from Libya and he has spent the whole day totally dismantling my Mega Spam Missile Launcher. He guarantees me that it will be rebuilt and in full working order by the morning. I have a container load of spam being shipped in from France, which should arrive antime now and then Stewart Squadron will be unstoppable.
The Top Secret masterplan is as follows. (Better known as Operation Desperado)
1) I spam the top reviewers on Amazon.com and Authonomy.com
2) The spamming attack continues on anyone showing interest in crime-thrillers.
3) We target unknown enemy, fiction-related websites and forums.
4) If necessary we import more spam from Nigeria.
Get the picture? You're either with me or it's time to get out now. Operation Desperado commences tomorrow morning at 9:00am from a secret wifi spot in Europe. Stewart Squadron will spam 500 targets in total. The debriefing will be in seven days time.
Distribution of my Ebooks? Moving at a similar rate to a one-legged elephant with an itchy arse.
Next plan of action after Operation Desperado? Simple....Cheat!
Stay tuned my friends.