Friday, July 8, 2011

Well I've spoken to my bank manager and he says I can borrow 50% of the cost to buy a pencil...

.............He also says, I should stop giving away free books, wake up and get a real job.

 DAY 7 in Professor Stewart's Laboratory.

 So what's happening? Well sales remain static, at least something is constant. My free book, The Facebook Killer: Part 1  is now being pawed over by 100 readers. Statistically that's a 10,000 % increase in readership in three days. Perhaps I could publish a book entitled "How I increased my readership by 10,000 % in only 72 hours"? Only joking, don't worry.

    I received an interesting email today, from an author who I shall not name, but their intention was clear. They would buy my book The Sunday Club, if I bought their book. We would then agree on exchanging 4-5 star reviews if we deemed each others work worthy. Now I won't go so far as to say this is dishonest, I am just highlighting another marketting ploy which is going on. I won't partake by the way. My experiment has to be above board and "clean as my granny's undies before church."

    Now don't get me wrong, this blog isn't designed to push my books, it is here for the purpose of keeping you all updated with the results of my experiment. Having said that, I want to give you a little background into the story behind the Facebook Killer (see! no link) I think most of you already know what I did for a living back in England, it's on my bio and I'm not ashamed of it. Anyway, around five years ago, an old friend of mine came out to stay in my villa. It's what we call "respite" in the trade, when the heat is on and all that. It turns out that his wife had been having an affair. Now, Malcolm, as I will call him, was more than a little bit pissed off shall we say, but could he find her lover? Could he hell. All he had was a note that he found in her handbag signed "S". So Malcolm decided to employ the old domino trick, basically this is when you don't have a clue who is responsiable for grassing you up or burgling your house etc; you find the most likely candidate, scare the living hell out of them and tell them that if they don't find the culprit within a week, they will be held responsible. It always works, believe me! Now poor old Malcolm was in his sixties at the time, he thought Facebook was a type of moisturiser, bless him. Until a mutual friend stepped in, that is. To cut a long story short, Malcolm's wife had eight friends on Facebook whose names began with "S". Three of them they identified by the information supplied online and the pictures they blatantly showed the world. 
    S#1 stood proudly in front of his house. In the background was a cathedral tower, which displayed the time. The sun reflecting on the spire told them exactly which direction his house was in relation to the cathedral.
    S#2 kept banging on about a certain bar he used to go in London.
    S#3 left his car's registration plate in the pictures. The boys reported it stolen and the police scanner lead them straight to him.       
    Malcolm's wife's lover was quickly "given up", Malc left his respite care and we all lived happily ever after...The End.

    Update on my "controversial" book:

These are the latest quotes (which may or may not be used for advertising purposes)

"What you are doing is blasmphoumous"  (Note the spelling of blasphemous!)
 "I'd say publish it and don't care about the religious world" 
 "Edited - This is still a Christian forum and swearing is not permitted " 
 "I think I can see what you are trying to do and it could make for an interesting read.. "  
 "I'd be interested in the book as in an entertainement book, it might be funny to see what can be done..."  

QUOTE OF THE DAY: 

  "I believe the phrase publish and be damned may be rather apt."  

    Now before you all desert me. Fear not, this isn't some horror story or pro-Satan manuscript. It's actually quite lighthearted. The above quote was actually written by the webmaster of the forum. Time to look for pastures new for further quotes I think. My Goodness, what have I got myself into now?

See you tomorrow. God willing.
   

No comments: