ML Stewart versus Stieg Larssssssssson

Now I know I keep going on about “The Girl With A Helmet-Shaped Haircut” and the fact that the hardback is the size of small block of flats BUT it’s the only book I have looked at for years AND it is the worst book I have read in my entire bloody life.

I told you about donating it to the local police to use as a roadblock but after the fatal bus crash they returned it (perfectly intact. The bus was a write-off). I think the driver saw the cover and panicked.

My point is how fickle the book-reading public can be at times. I read many of the reviews for The Girl Who Played With Fire and many people are of the same opinion as myself but many, many more have been sucked overcome by a mutant strain of the Dodgy Swedish Flu. Stieg Larssssssson is proof that anyone (dead or alive, blind or deaf, stupid or police officer can write a book.”

Page 350:

Stieg wrote: She replied with an elbow to his eye and then grabbed one of the upright poles, lifted herself up and kicked him with both heels across the bridge of his nose.............

So far so good, I felt myself wince in pain at the thought. But then he carries on.....

.......which prompted heavy bleeding.

Jesus Christ Almighty in a f+cking pink bath robe!!!  She’s just smashed his face in, broken his nose in two, probably sent bone fragments into his eyes and what happened........it prompted heavy bleeding! It sounds like a newspaper advert announcing the recall of a batch of dodgy tampons. AND this mini Everest of paper costs £20:00 (that’s about $40 if Obama is your boss)

Anyway, glad I got that off my chest and BTW no, I do not have permission to reproduce the above paragraph from Mr. Larsssssssson’s work of art.

I am going to write a series of books based on my past girlfriends.

1)      The Girl Who Lit Her Farts.

2)      The Girl Who Had More Facial Hair Than Her Father.

3)      The Girl Who Kicked My Dog.

4)      The Girl With The Bulldog Tattoo.

Book Sales and statistics and boring shit like that:

	July	August	September	TOTAL
	Royalty	Royalty	Royalty
	(USD)	(USD)	(USD)
SC	1.05	0.35	0
FBK1	1.05	1.40	19.25
FBK2	2.10	1.75	7.44
$ TOTAL	4.20	3.50	26.69	34.39
	Royalty	Royalty	Royalty
	(GBP)	(GBP)	(GBP)
SC	0.99	0.26	36.40
FBK1	0.70	1.05	0.00
FBK2	1.69	1.31	700.52
£ TOTAL	£3.38	£2.62	£736.92	742.92

What’s happening at the moment is that the sales, which have dropped on FBK2, are being made up for with people buying FBK1. Who will in turn buy FBK2 and 3 when it comes out. It’s like a little hamster wheel with a few pound coins inside of it.

FBK1 = 24,085

FBK2 = 5,300 readers

Sunday Club = 310

Total Readership = 29,695.

FBK2 has sold more copies this month than September, as has the Sunday Club so  revenue should be up a little from last month.

Next week I have to take a 3-day flight to a secret destination in the Southern Hemisphere, where the water goes down the plughole in the opposite direction. So the blog may be a little quiet for a while. I hope to have the United Kingdom of Islam finished by the time I arrive and proof read.

I am trying to concoct a new marketing idea between packing my stuff, tripping over the world’s largest book and worrying about Rooney the cactus.

Until next time.

ML Stewart

ml.stewart@yahoo.co.uk