How To Make £1000 From Ebooks (and waste two years of your life in the process)

So what’s happening in the ML Stewart Fun House? I hear you all cry in a desperate thirst for knowledge kind of way.

Well, in between ogling obese bikini-clad women on the beach out front, I’m still pounding away on “The United Kingdom Of Islam.” I am attempting 3,000 words a day, preferably at least 500 of those spelled correctly and I’m close to my target. My spellchecker has exploded in protest. I’m thinking about going into the movie business or audio books, I mean they don’t have to worry about spelling or punctuation, do they? It would simplify my life no end. What is UKI about? I hear you scream with blood lust. Well I don’t know it isn’t finished yet. The way I write it could be about anything.

FBK2 is maintaining sales of 160 a day and remains #2 horror-thriller and #50 bestseller in the UK. Follow through sales, this month, from FBK1 are over 50%, thanks to my blind proofreader sorting out the correct version to be uploaded.

Now I could go ahead and keep writing FBKs until I die, but it’s a niche market and I want to expand my readership. That’s why I’m writing UKI, to broaden my horizons and try and attract a different kind of 1-star review.

I have received an offer to make FBK into a film, it’s true, the offer came from a film student with no money but grand ideas. My lawyer told him to go and ask his parents for extra pocket money, then come back and we can talk. Seriously though, if you know someone that wants to make FBK into a movie, they can have it cheap.

Stieieieig Laaaaaaaarson’s book: “The Girl With a Helmet-Shaped Haircut” is still lying about my villa. As God is my witness, I tried more than once to get into it but failed miserably. Plus it’s so f++king big! When I tried to read it in bed, I had to buy an artist’s easel to put it on, it was lashed with ropes to keep it open but eventually the easel collapsed into the lounge as the floor gaze way beneath it. I have tried using it as a doorstop, as a mooring for my boat; I even thought about hollowing out the pages and using it as a garden shed. Eventually I donated it to the local Police who are going to use it as a roadblock. Do you think I’m joking? A book that big is the equivalent of having a Kindle the size of a 40-inch plasma TV. I kid you not, it’s bloody ridiculous.

So the experiment?

The plan is to launch UKI, hopefully in the middle of October, which will allow me six weeks to finish FBK3, then just before Santa’s fat arse arrives, maybe a collection of short stories. By that time I will have achieved my goal of having 500,000 readers, without a shadow of a doubt????????????????????????

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys, Girls and Interpol. Thank you for stopping by my pathetic, deluded and rambling blog.

ML Stewart

ml.stewart@yahoo.co.uk